Why?
Because I was pulling for Ole Miss to win last night.
I feel the need to explain.
A certain Cooch from California, who now makes her home near here, is very disdainful of people from certain parts of my beloved Southland. We refight the War of Northern Aggression anytime we are together. I usually win by pointing out that her ass moved here and my ass didn't move to her shit hole part of the world.
She just happens to be a grad (she claims) of UC Irvine. During one of our battles I told her she would really be mad when a bunch of inbreds from Mississippi beat the shit out of her fag school's, fag boy baseball team.
As the drunken obscenities flew, a wager was made. I can't claim to be in my right mind when the bet was made. I can't claim she was. But I was pissed.
I said, " I'll bet anything I have that Ole Miss goes to Omaha and UC Irvine doesn't."
Now this bitch has a thing for motorcycles. Especially my custom job.
"Okay, bet me your bike,"she says.
I laugh and say," Against what? That little girly car of yours? What else have you got?"
The moron says $300.
Well, there is no way I'm betting my bike against $300. I wasn't that pissed or drunk.
"It's gotta be something that you value as much as I do my bike", I say.
"I don't own anything of that value", she claimed.
"Oh yes you do. Your dignity and self respect. Let's see how brave you are. I bet my bike against your $300 AND a blowjob, from you to me."
Now at this point, the Cali Cooch would rather blow the Elephant man than me. I know she won't take the bet. Nobody would. Much less an idiot who probably didn't know UC Irvine had a baseball team until we started arguing. The Stony Lonesome crowd was hollering and yelling at her like the crowd on the Price is Right.
"Nut cutting time, there, sweet meat", I say, " I've got the balls to make the bet. The question is do you?"
She bites her lip for a bit, the girls screaming "NO!!", the guys screaming, "TAKE IT!!"
She looks up at me after a while and yells in my face, " You're on, fucker!!" Then she shoves me.
Needless to say the crowd goes bonkers.
We sit down and put the bet down on paper. After an hour of wrangling out every possible outcome, we both signed it , along with 6 witnesses.
She can't win my bike now that Virginia beat UCI. But, by Ole Miss winning last night, I'm still alive.
Although ole Cali is pretty hot, I really don't like her. I've never tried to get her in the sack. Basically , she's a whiny bitch. She friends with of a couple of my Coo-Chees. If it wasn't for them, I'd ban her ass from here.
Last night , the Rum Bunny called and asked was I really going to hold Cali to it. She's knows I don't like her. Bunny tells me that she knows me too well. That I'll never make Cali do it. She says I'm all talk and that I wouldn't humiliate that girl like that. Besides, she said, you hate her. It wouldn't be any good or fun. You are just gonna make her sweat it out right?
"Rum Bunny," I said," You call Cali up and tell her I have a message for her."
"What is it?," she asked.
"Tell her," I said, " I don't care if she spits or swallows, which ever she prefers is okay with me."
Hotty Toddy!
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