Got Marriott?

I saw an article written by a guy named Pat Dooley from the Gainesville Sun online yesterday. He writes, what I guess he thinks is a catchy and cute little preseason article every year called the Dooley Decimal List (complete article here). Here, in his own words, is the purpose of the article is as follows.....

"These rankings are not where I expect the teams to finish in the SEC, but where I rank the football programs at each school based on many factors — talent, recruiting, coaching, facilities, fan support, athletic director, stability, etc."

He, being a homer, ranks Florida number 1. I have no beef with that. It would be hard to argue with that. Although a case could be made for others.

He has Mississippi State ranked 11th. Again, I'm not gonna argue that either. It's subjective, he's entitled to his opinion.

But I did take exception to what he said about State. And I quote.....

"It's in Starkville. Points are automatically taken off. the facilities are below average. And the Dan Mullen hire was an odd one. Mullen may turn out to be a good head coach, but it's going to take a long time to turn it around. The pieces simply are not in place."

Now, I have no problem with his last sentence. Even the most die hard State fan knows the talent isn't where it needs to be.

However, the first two sentences pissed me off. I'll argue the third sentence. And the fourth sentence struck me as, well, odd.

Therefore, I decided to send an email to Mr. Dooley and ask him some questions.

To paraphrase, I told him I saw where he took the tired old line about Starkville. I then asked him if he had been to Starkville, and if so, did he truly explore the town and campus or did he just stay in Tupelo with the Gators and drive straight to the stadium.

I also invited him to stop by a tailgate. I told him he would be welcomed and maybe he could learn more about State and Starkville.

I told him that I agreed that the talent wasn't good at State right now but at least we were trying now.

I also asked him why he thought that the Mullen hire was odd. I asked him did he think it was odd when Oklahoma hired a young, bright, energetic assistant coach from Florida named Bob Stoops.

I then thanked him for his time.

In a nutshell, here was his reply........

Been there many times. There is no Marriott within 30 minutes. That's all I need to know.

Wow. No Marriott. I guess Mr. Dooley considers a Marriott to be the pinnacle of sophistication. They probably have the 4 pm early bird special at his Marriotts of choice.
I've stayed in a suite at Trump Plaza, a suite at the Ritz in Maui, and once had drinks one evening on the balcony with our bungalow neighbors Mr and Mrs Jimmy Buffett on a private island in the Caribbean. But I just must stay at a Marriott in Athens, Auburn, or Baton Rouge someday ,once I get get upwardly mobile. I'll put that on my bucket list.

Hey Ole Miss Fan. Does Oxford have a Marriott? If not, better get one soon or you will be considered backwards.

As for why he considered the Mullen hire odd.....

"Mullen may work out but the reason I thought it was odd is that he was not considered a great recruiter at UF and not a people person. Kind of a different guy who kept to himself and Tebow."

Well, Pat, that may be what you saw, but Mullen came in to a down program, with the program up the road flying high, and arguably dominated the state of Mississippi in recruiting.

You say he is not a people person. Well, the boy learned quick. Upside what we had in reaching out to the fanbase and getting it energized, he's getting people fired up like like Obama at a Black Gay Pride rally in Miami.

According to you, he did nothing but hang out with Tebow. Well, that was his job.

Was he not nice to you Pat?

I'm sorry, that's probably happened to you a lot. It does when you look like this.......



Nice 70's do. The fashionably long comb over. The middle age crisis goatee. Now my dad told me never to judge a book by it's cover. I admit, when I first saw your picture I said "typical." But I gave you the benefit of the doubt until I got your reply.

Tell the truth dear readers. Does this dude has Marriott written all over him, or what?.

Now tell me Pat, does this look like a guy who stays at the Marriott?........



Coach Mullen and his wife.

I know your type,Pat. You don't much care for guys like that do you? While you were cleaning the spit tube of your tuba, guys like that were going off to screw the cheerleader captain after throwing 3 TDs in the homecoming game.

But you have your revenge, don't you Pat? You now always have the last word.

I bet thousands read you a day. Maybe 400 read me. But you know what? You're still a wanker who stays at Marriotts.

Pat, I take it that you are an educated man. Couldn't you have thought of better relies to my questions?

Then I got to thinking. Maybe there is another reason to hate Starkville for you, Pat. You said you have been many times. That means you must have been here the last three times the Gators played here. I can see why it was probably no fun. The Gators came in favored all three times. They also got that ass beat all three times. The big bad Gators are coming in again this year.Now, I will say I think the Gators are gonna kill us.

But you know what, Pat? I thought that the last three times, too.

I see where on your blog you brag about shooting an 85 at Augusta National. Not bad.

But tell me the truth. You looked forward more to checking into the Augusta Marriott, didn't you?

I once shot 74 at Doral. Let's have a match. I'll find a course near a Marriott.

I bet you have Marriott Rewards out the ass. What makes it better is you get those points while your newspaper pays for the room.

But you are entitled to your opinion,Pat, with your Dooley Decimal List.

If I had to classify your reply under the Dewey Decimal system, I'd have to put you under 100.

But hey, no hard feelings.

My dad also told me never to argue with people who buy ink by the gallon and paper by the roll.

He also said , "Don't stay at Marriott, they suck".

One more thing ,Pat. I was thinking of loading up some Coo-Chees and tooling on down to St. John.

But alas, there is no Marriott.

Whatever shall we do?

Ole Miss's Choke Job , Cost Me A Choke Job

Well, the bitch is safe. Another reason for me to hate Ole Miss's ass.

Buncha cock smokers.

They ought to rename Oxford - University- Swayze- Manning- Vaught - Deuce- Scruggs- Langston-Lott (Brad and Trent) - Cochran Field to, Come See Other Teams Dogpile on Our Pitching Mound Field.

Although I refuse to call State's baseball stadium anything other than Dudy Noble (and you should too) it has Polk- Dement on it.

Ole Miss should have Demented Chokers on theirs.

Butt Munch Bianco ought to fire everybody. He and his Pollyannas cost me an appearance on the Gag Factor.

Then the kid Corky from "Life Goes On" (Thanks Coach34) leads the Polyester Parade of Mustard Buzzards to Omaha.

And we all know what O.M.A.H.A stands for don't we?

It was great to get a picture like this as soon as Virginia got the last out.....................................



Believe me, I'm gonna get that bitch. If it's the last thing I do.

Sign of the Apocalypse

Prepare for locusts, frogs, and blood red skies. The prophesies of Revelation must be here.

Why?

Because I was pulling for Ole Miss to win last night.

I feel the need to explain.

A certain Cooch from California, who now makes her home near here, is very disdainful of people from certain parts of my beloved Southland. We refight the War of Northern Aggression anytime we are together. I usually win by pointing out that her ass moved here and my ass didn't move to her shit hole part of the world.

She just happens to be a grad (she claims) of UC Irvine. During one of our battles I told her she would really be mad when a bunch of inbreds from Mississippi beat the shit out of her fag school's, fag boy baseball team.

As the drunken obscenities flew, a wager was made. I can't claim to be in my right mind when the bet was made. I can't claim she was. But I was pissed.

I said, " I'll bet anything I have that Ole Miss goes to Omaha and UC Irvine doesn't."

Now this bitch has a thing for motorcycles. Especially my custom job.

"Okay, bet me your bike,"she says.

I laugh and say," Against what? That little girly car of yours? What else have you got?"

The moron says $300.

Well, there is no way I'm betting my bike against $300. I wasn't that pissed or drunk.

"It's gotta be something that you value as much as I do my bike", I say.

"I don't own anything of that value", she claimed.

"Oh yes you do. Your dignity and self respect. Let's see how brave you are. I bet my bike against your $300 AND a blowjob, from you to me."

Now at this point, the Cali Cooch would rather blow the Elephant man than me. I know she won't take the bet. Nobody would. Much less an idiot who probably didn't know UC Irvine had a baseball team until we started arguing. The Stony Lonesome crowd was hollering and yelling at her like the crowd on the Price is Right.

"Nut cutting time, there, sweet meat", I say, " I've got the balls to make the bet. The question is do you?"

She bites her lip for a bit, the girls screaming "NO!!", the guys screaming, "TAKE IT!!"

She looks up at me after a while and yells in my face, " You're on, fucker!!" Then she shoves me.

Needless to say the crowd goes bonkers.

We sit down and put the bet down on paper. After an hour of wrangling out every possible outcome, we both signed it , along with 6 witnesses.

She can't win my bike now that Virginia beat UCI. But, by Ole Miss winning last night, I'm still alive.

Although ole Cali is pretty hot, I really don't like her. I've never tried to get her in the sack. Basically , she's a whiny bitch. She friends with of a couple of my Coo-Chees. If it wasn't for them, I'd ban her ass from here.

Last night , the Rum Bunny called and asked was I really going to hold Cali to it. She's knows I don't like her. Bunny tells me that she knows me too well. That I'll never make Cali do it. She says I'm all talk and that I wouldn't humiliate that girl like that. Besides, she said, you hate her. It wouldn't be any good or fun. You are just gonna make her sweat it out right?

"Rum Bunny," I said," You call Cali up and tell her I have a message for her."

"What is it?," she asked.

"Tell her," I said, " I don't care if she spits or swallows, which ever she prefers is okay with me."

Hotty Toddy!

Sessums Dorm

A post over on the Six Pack brought back some memories of my freshman year at State.

I had the privilege to be housed at Sessums along with I'm guessing 500 or so other freshmen boys. I had the honor of being kicked out of Sessums also.

Do you know how bad you had to fuck up to be chunked out of there? If not, read on................

While I will agree it may not be pleasing to the eye, I will suffer no disparagement of Sacred Sessum's, or of the scary people who lived in the basement and who only came out at night.

I heard girls live there now. Is that true? I hope not. If they do, I hope they gutted and disinfected the whole damn thing before they let them move in , or else no telling what kind of STDs, crabs, DNA, or other undiscovered bacteria and viruses were there.

What a shithole of decay, depravity, and decadence that place was when I was there. Cold in the winter. Hot in the summer, flooding bathrooms. Fire alarms all the time in the middle of the night. 10 stereos going full blast constantly with Motley Crue on five of them and G-N-R on four others, with some fag playing Edie Birkell on one.A hint of ganja in the air. Screams of intense pain, terror, and insanity. Drunks puking and passing out in the halls. Whimpering and sobbing from boys who just wanted their Mama, and from girls who were praying their Daddy would never find out what they had done as they made the walk of shame on Sunday morning down the hall to the cheers of the unlaid degenerates hanging out their doors and windows.

Sessums, a place of sacrilege and unhuman animalistic behavior that should have been stormed by the police, a company of the US Army Rangers, along with the Baptist Student Union and then burnt to the ground with all the miscreants still inside.

God I loved that place. And I'll be damned if I let anybody talk bad about it.

Not One of Mine, But She'll Do

An advertising exec. at Ranger Boats, evidently sufficiently impressed by the response this site gets, decided to hire Denise Milani and take some pics.

I, of course, got no creative credit or cash.

With Apologies to Batman

I feel bad because the blog has been so slow lately.

So I got to thinking about how to keep it fresh in a slow time of the year.

Then I realized it's not that slow a time. A lot is going on. It's not that material is not here to write about.

The problem is, Mississippi State is headed in a good direction. I'm no good when things are going good, because if there is one thing I'm good at, it's bitching.

When I started this blog, Croom was the football coach and there was no end, it seemed, to that horror of a time.

Now Croom is gone, all vestiges of the old Templeton , Lee, Polk and old boy way of doing things is gone.

Byrne, Cohen, Mullen, Keenum, and Stansbury, for right now, have my confidence. I'm happy about the way thing are heading.

And when I get happy, I get lazy. So I say this.......

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I couldn’t do all those things, because I’m a bitcher. I hope I helped get rid of those people that were holding us back. Even if in a small way.

So I'll be what I need to be.

Because sometimes truth isn’t good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded. I think right now it has been.

I'm not what is needed now. But I will be on guard. I will keep a close watch.

And if State starts fucking up and going back to their old ways, I'll be here.

I will rain hell down on them.

If they lose heart, and slip back into cowardice, you can bet your ass........



Saddawg Will Be Speaking!

Renardo, Renardo, Where Fore Art Thou, Renardo?

I don't know much about soccer, but I do know that in the last 10 years if somebody asked me who the best soccer player in the world is, I could say Renaldo and I would probably be right.

If I lived in a soccer crazy land, that's what I'd name my son, if I had one. Maybe they already do that, which is why the top players always seem to have that name.

That's brings me to the story about all world phenom Renardo Sidney maybe signing with State.

Forget the stats and the hype.

As Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?"

Can you imagine Jack on the radio trying to say Varnado and Renardo all at the same time?

And since Varnado pronounces his name VA-NAR-DOH, does Sidney pronounce his RAN-R DOH?

Confusing shit.

I told an idiot one time, who was having trouble saying something to a girl he liked, to quote her a little Shakespeare.

I said," Tell her this. ' Between your eyes, where your beauty lies, makes my love arise. That's by William Shakespeare'."

The drunk fool be-bops over and says.......

"Between your thighs, where your pussy lies, makes my dick arise. That's by some guy named Wally Snake Shit."

What's in a name, indeed.

Maybe Randy Stewart can sort it all out.

Proof is in the Pudding

State had the distinction of of being the only team in the SEC that didn't have a player drafted.

Proof enough to me that even though the program may have been down under Jackie, Croom left it worse off.

Croom had something to build on when he came here.

Poor Mullen.

He is having to draw up house plans for a vacant lot that needs a lot of dirt work before he can pour the slab.

Mississippi State Wins A National Championship in a Sport!!!

In Disc Golf, whatever the hell that is.

Doesn't matter, we'll take it.

If you click the above link and read the article about State winning it all you will be struck by this quote....

"All we talked about in the hotel Saturday was being the first athletic team to win a championship at Mississippi State," Kenneth Gustine said. "The only other thing we've won is some sort of meat-judging competition."

Classic.

So I rise to gradulate you boys. You makes us proud.

Now we is not only the bestest meat judging school, we is the bestest disc golf school.

I gradulate the Corch and player of this mos' deserving team. They could probably beat Jack Nicholson. Look out Gold Bear, Bulldog coming fo' yo' ass.

I leave you with that cheer so near and dear to my heart.

Go Bulldog, Go Bulldog, Go Bulldog

1,2,3,4,5 Bulldog don't take no jive.

I yield back my remaining time.

Mullen Article

Brad Locke has a good article on the Mullen family and their relationship with the players.......

Daily Journal Article

What do you know? Mullen is a Cousin Eddie fan too.

I'll also pimp a little for an Ole Miss lowlife and ink stained wretch named Godfrey. He has the now infamous USM broadcast story up on his blog, with audio.

Godfrey, lover of burritos.